Advice I Gave to a Friend (The Sort I Hope I Don’t Regret Someday)

“…Remember what’s important!—you, face to face interactions with your friends, and doing something meaningful in life. Never be afraid to grow, to fail, to learn; don’t cling to life so ardently that you forget to live. I don’t mean to be obnoxious here, but I’ll give you an example: When we were all bowling, I noticed that you were really upset at how badly you were doing. Now, we’re all bad at something; but in response to being bad at something, to failing, we have three options: a) be upset and do the task as if it were a chore, hoping that everyone around us will forget about us as we wish to forget ourselves, and await eagerly to go back and do the thing we’re already comfortable with, i.e. texting friends; b) laugh about it and don’t value the performance, but the interactions it creates; or c) relish the work, and stay outside your comfort zone and get better. I tend to believe that since life is so short, we ought to often go with “c”; but, if we don’t take the thing in front of us seriously—in this case, bowling—then we ought to choose “b”, because that is what makes us happy. See life as learning and growing, instead of worrying about how what you’re doing tells you about how good you are. It doesn’t, unless you allow it to. Love yourself. Learn and grow. Life is your only chance. And then, you die. Accept it. Let the thought of death take away all of your worries about this world—because really, what matters when we’re dead? And it can come anytime. Remember that. We’re mortal.

I realize this sounds bleak and dreary, but in truth the only bleak thing I find in the world is a life afraid to live, because it’s mired in “what if?” this and “she said” that and “I can’t” this and “I fear” that. Keep only the important things in your heart, and let all the rest fall away. Trust yourself; “Every heart vibrates to that iron string.””

Looking back, I wonder if it’s the sort of thing one ought to give as advice. Do I live this way, I ask myself; am I really in any position of authority to suggest that escapism is the wrong thing, or that somehow embracing what’s in front of you by thinking of Death is the right one?…

I suppose I’ve been reading too much Marcus Aurelius lately. Now I’m no Stoic, but I do relate to this one piece of advice, especially: Life Is Short. And because of that, we ought not to think of YOLO (which, I’ve often found, is just a rationalization for escapism), but rather we ought to find a way to, as Marcus says, do our very damnedest to clear away our mental clouds, to see the world as clearly as possible as us, before we go.

I’m not sure I made that really clear in the advice I gave, but eh, it’s an ongoing conversation. If she asks more about it, I’ll say more as it comes.